Why not breastfeeding was never an option
If you’re a mom or going to be a mom in the near future, you’ve heard enough and more about the amazing advantages of breastfeeding. And if you’re fortunate like me you’ve been forewarned about the difficulties that may arise and how it’s not really the most natural experience that you always thought it was.
What with incorrect latching, sore nipples, engorged breasts, plugged milk ducts, and 10 additional terms in the same vein? You’d actually think it’s a new phenomenon that women today are plagued with and it never existed before today.
I’ve spoken to a lot of new mothers lately (who else?). In many cases the story is the same. Mom starts off thinking she will breastfeed. The babe cries (incidentally that’s what babies do) the grand mother, the maid, the husband panic, the mom panics, the baby is given top feed. The mom is told she is not producing enough milk. She keeps giving top feed and then the vicious circle continues.
The mom really does not make that much milk eventually and starts supplementing more and more with formula till she ultimately stops nursing far too early. She tells other moms that she didn’t produce enough milk. New moms believe her and when their baby cries they too think they aren’t making enough milk. Not stopping to think, that they will produce milk, they have no reason not to.
Even though today every where you look, breast feeding is touted as the best thing you can do for your baby, surprisingly a lot women look at it as something they will try out and if it doesn’t work well for them, formula is not such a bad thing after all.
At most hospitals (like Breach Candy hospital in Mumbai), the nurses are trained at institutes where the courses are outdated and very conventional in their outlook. Therefore when the 24-hour-old baby cries, they are quick to offer a bottle of formula citing hunger as the reason. A novice mother will do anything to pacify the helpless little miracle in her arms and agree, and this is where the problems begin.
When N was about two weeks of age, he began crying for a little while every evening on and off. This is fairly common in babies from 2 weeks to about 10 – 12 weeks. A lot of people told me he gets hungry in the evening and I even got myself a box of commercial formula (Nestle – Nan one – which I need to toss out now 7 months later), which I gave him once. Once I read the ingredients on the box (soybean oil and corn oil for starters) I knew I could not give him that. Apart from the obvious reasons, giving my baby something out of a box was a definite no no.
When I went for N’s 15-day check up, he had gained a good amount of weight and was peeing and pooping really well. And why won’t he be eating sufficiently well? I am a healthy mother am I not? There is no reason for me not to make enough milk. None at all!
My personal reasons for not considering any alternative to breastfeeding:
1) Breast milk is real food and not chemicals put together in a package.
2) Breast milk has a much higher fat content than formula. The brain is made largely of fat and the majority of the fat in the brain is saturated. The Myelin Sheath that surrounds the nerves in the brain and ensures their proper function is also largely made of saturated fat and cholesterol. Breast milk contains much more saturated fat than cows milk or commercial formula and is of utmost importance for a growing brain.
3) Breast milk has lauric acid: which protects infants from viruses and bacteria and protects the immune system.
4) Immunity: Prolonged breastfeeding really does boost the immune system. I have good immunity and passing it on to my baby is really, really important to me. So far not a sniffle has he had.
5) The cuddly time outs: Never again will I be able to put my feet up for a few minutes every few hours and inhale my little one. The slowing down of life is really a luxury I will never give up. In todays hustle bustle when again will any of us get this sort of time to spend with each other?
6) Evolutionary Tinted Glasses : Human babies (and all mammals) are meant to be breast fed. Who wants to argue with nature?
Having said that breastfeeding is the hardest thing a woman of today has to do. Even if IF you do by some stroke of luck (and a lot of research) get off to a good start initially the amount of hours spent glued to a chair with a baby gnawing on you is enough to make you want to pull out your hair. The first few weeks (two months or so) are probably the most testing times in most women’s life (when the world is going by and you’ve vegetated). It’s enough to make a lot of women give up.
But a few months of your life is a lifetime of rewards for your baby!
Getting off to a good start immediately after the baby is born is very important though. Do whatever it takes to start trying to establish a latch soon after the baby is born! I cannot stress that enough, and I think it’s important to mention here.
There are moms out there who after their best efforts have not been able to breastfeed. My heart goes out to them. Again working women really do not have much of a choice after the first few months.
Are you less of a mother if you don’t breastfeed? I suppose it depends on the individual. But I do know it would have broken my heart, and made me feel like an inadequate mom. Having said that, I realize there are some circumstances that make it very difficult.
Am I proud that my baby is 100% breast fed? Ummm, clearly!
Here’s a mom who’s been an inspiration for me, and a lot of fit moms, who really went to great lengths to establish breastfeeding.
Here’s another story closer to home.
Must read: Moms nutrition for breastfeeding. Breast milk is the best food for baby, provided that the mom’s diet is rich in nutrients!
Thanks for reading! I would really love comments!
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Hi Aloka – I completely understand where you are coming from but can you give us not so fortunate parents some advice about what to do if you have stopped breastfeeding but are not completely at the solid food stage yet? Are there any formulas that are better then others and/or are there any fruits / vegetables that you recommend over others?
Hey! Nice to see u here.
I should do a post on that ! With regards to formula, there are some homemade recipes that a lot of people in the us use. I will take a look at those and post those links. The only problem is I many ingredients may not be available. Plus since home made formulas are a lot of work and there is probably no precedent in mumbai, you may feel a little strange attempting it.
With regards to fruits and veggies will try and post on that soon.
Consider liver in her food if it sits well with others!
This is a very popular home made formula recipe. http://www.westonaprice.org/childrens-health/recipes-for-homemade-baby-formula
I’ll try and look around and see if the ingredients are available.
Interesting take on BF…my friend is very keen her son gets 7/8 feeds from breast milk. She pumps as she wants to go back to work soon and also to avoid the pain….but I love her dedication..it definitely helps..unless of course u cant…
As for me..I need to go back to 80-20% primal paleo lifestyle again..really need to get back into the routine…while ttc…
take care..
Dedication helps a lot. But yes sometimes it’s really not possible.
80-20 is not very hard. You defi must. What’s stopping you? Why did you stop? Email me.
Hi aloka! I really like this entry on your blog. One more thing I’d like to share with new moms other than what u have already said is that it takes about a month for feeding to become easy and painless. They should just hang in there and keep on trying. No one told me that And I used to practically cry while feeding. Now, a month later it is much easier. Also, keeping the baby with you on the same bed really helps increase milk production. This is an initiative of the breast feeding promotion network India (BPNI) and it works wonders. Dont keep the baby in a cot, you can always do that later.
Hi Dhanwanti.
I should have mentioned that. It takes a month or two and after that its the most amazing thing. The first month is really a challenge but if yu get through the first 6 weeks that’s when it really starts reaping rewards.
I made the mistake of keeping the baby in the cot for the first month and there after in bed for the next two months. After that he went back into the cot at 3 months. I agree baby in bed initially is best for everyone !
Thanks for the comment!
Hi Aloka!
My two children are almost 3 years (the girl) and 8 months (the boy) old.
Here in Germany they try to help you doing breastfeeding, and I know a lot of Moms who do and enjoy it. But still there are enough Moms prefering giving formulas.
And why? Because it’s easier and you can go out, drink alcohol, do sports and stay away from the baby for more than 4 hours. I think, a lot of people are not willing to give up their lifestyle (like a friend of mine).
In my experience, breastfeeding is simple and gives you a good feeling – doing the best for the baby is great, right?
And yes – the first 3 weeks it hurts. A lot.
But after that the pain is gone. And with the second child the pain did NOT come at all.
My daughter drank til she was 9 months and it there weren’t any problems. So I thaugt, it will be the same with my litlle son. No.
In the beginning it went really well. But after 4 months he cried a lot and in the nights he slept with my breast in his mouth. Means I did not sleep very well. But with 2 children you are not able to lay down during the days!
After 6 weeks of not sleeping I gave him formulas. And he slept. 4 hours without crying, then one bottle, then again 4 hours of sleeping.
So yes – the milk was not enough. I don’t understand why. And his stomach pain is gone since we stopped breastfeeding.
So all I can say is: try and find out the right way for your baby – but please for the baby and not only for the mom!
Having children means to give up a little of your comfortable life but getting a big new way of life!
Hi Simone,
That’s an extremely good point you made. About trying and doing best for the baby. If after trying it doesn’t work out beyond a point in time then by all means make the switch.
But even if the mom decides to make the choice based on her own comforts she should make an informed decision. Who are we to judge if someone feels she prefers having her life? But only after she knows how important it is to breastfeed, then she can choose to not feed her baby.
And yes having children means you do have to give up a little but the beauty is it’s for such a short span of time before they grow up! And the memories and choices you make today last forever!
Hey Aloka, good to find you here. I don’t know if you remember but we were together in Star One batch of FCB.
My husband and I were sure we would do all we can to ensure 6 months of exclusive BF to our son but initial days were really tough times. I breastfed my baby through a nipple-shield for one month, while also reading about the problems which ensue on doing so. I was scared my baby would never learn and we would eventually have to give him top feed. We even pursued the one lactation consultant in Pune to get it right. And we were lucky to be able to exclusively feed him for 6 months. But it certainly requires tremendous amount of resolve and determination. In my case, it would not have been possible without my husband’s support. Otherwise other people would find hundred reasons to offer top feed. Thankfully, our doctor also ruled out that our baby will ever need top feed, when we wanted him to recommend a formula, just-in-case.
Hi Reema! Thanks for the comment! Good to see u here!
It’s pretty good of your doctor to rule out formula. Most doctors are extremely quick in saying give top feed. My doctor was so sure that I was getting enough milk that I just took his word for it and didnT give top even when the baby cried.
It’s really really cool that you went to such great lengths to breastfeed.
My only issue is that I just don’t think that parents realise what a disservice to their baby and themselves they are doing by giving up too soon. If you’ve hung in there and can honestly say you stuck it out and then it doesn’t work out its fine.
But it’s the hardest thing I feel mothers have to do.
I know so many moms who just say of it didnT happen for me, I didn’t get milk, and so what formula is not a bad option. If they knew what I knew they would never even think of formula unless they absolutely had to.
Anyway now almost 8 months into breastfeeding, it’s the most amazing experience of my life so far and I’m enjoying every minute and so is my baby 🙂
Hi Aloka,
I am in a fix. I have just started enjoying feeding my lo bm, it was a night are in the firstmonth. Butnow at 74days we both have found our beastfeeding rhythm. I feed him on demand, and he pees, poops, plays and sleeps like no tommorrow. Then today a bomb falls on my head, he has gained just 200 gms in the last onemonth. He was 2.5 kgs at birth, and now 74 days later he is 3.4. Doctor told me this is way loer than the normal eight gain and that I should feed him formula. I have bouht similac, but my heart doesn’t want to feed him thatyet. He is so healthy and happy, so why the fuss about weightgain? Am I inhibitting him from brain development if I choose not to supplement with formula? Im ready to expess some bm and feed himthat if he needs more. Really confused about what to do….some urgent advice would be nice!!
Rashmi
Hi please email me on aloka@wholesomemamma.in thanks